Let It Be Hard.

The sadness came crashing in today. I'm finishing up at work and I realized that I only have a few hours - HOURS - left to be with Tex. That makes my heart race, my stomach drop out, my head spin. How am I going to get in my car and drive away? How on earth is that going to be possible??? Despite all that's gone on between her and I these past two weeks, it will still be the equivalent of wrapping my hand around my bloody heart and ripping it out by the roots.

Lord, I can be dramatic, can't I? Well, this is how it feels. It says something to me that I still believe this is the right decision, even though the pain is so deep. I can hear a voice calling me far away, drawing me in a new direction. There's a lot to lose, though. My horoscope last week said, "You are starting to see that the thing you wanted is going to take more energy to get than you realized. There are more sacrifices to make, and you are ready." I like that it says "AND you are ready," not "BUT you are ready." I don't know why, but that makes it seem like, "Yes, yes, sacrifices - there are always sacrifices - the point is, YOU'RE READY."

I told Annika this hurts. She said, "Let it be hard. It's supposed to be." So I'm going to stand here and take it in as best as I can.

Right now, I have to go say goodbye to 120 kids who I adore with all my heart. Oooooooff.